The Top Ten Things you won’t miss after a visit to China

One of my best friends, Jeff Hilgaertner, just got back from a trip to China with his family.  He wrote the following post on Facebook and I thought it was quite interesting and informative for someone who has never been to China.  I asked him if I could re-post it on “Mike’s Road Trip,” as I think many of you will enjoy and find helpful, especially if planning your first trip there.   Leave comments below and let me know what ya think.

• 1. Crossing the street. Taking my life into my own hands when crossing the street IN the crosswalk WITH the walk sign lit. The cars in China totally ignore pedestrians in the road, and will not stop for them regardless of right-of-way. In fact, the only right-of-way I can tell exists in China is the car has the right–of-way. Always.

• 2. Taxi rides – OK, this one is easy because most people can relate to crazy taxi drivers. But in China, add crazed taxi drivers to crazy traffic and sprinkle in some horribly designed intersections and you have Deathrace 2012! Weaving into traffic gaps 1/10th the size of the taxi, and magically, space opens up, and nobody seems to get pissed. Go figure. And somehow, during all my time there, I neither was in a crash nor witnessed one. It is like a very complex dance that everybody but me knows the steps. And they all move in a controlled-chaos fashion, somehow avoiding actually coming into contact with each other. I will not be driving anytime soon in China. At least until I learn the latest traffic-dance moves.

• 3. Car Horns. – It seems the drivers in China have a language of horn blasts that they all seem to know. The horn sounds never stop. One blast for “hey, I am beside you”. Two taps on the horn for “OK, you are ahead of me and I won’t run into you” and three for “Look out, I’m about to cut you off and make you jam on your brakes to avoid a major collision.” The sound of car horns does not stop. Even when there is hardly any traffic, you still hear that “Beepity-Beep-Beep” sound.

• 4. Having multiple people cut in line ahead of me. Many people in China will push their way in front of you if you show just a little bit of daylight between you and the person ahead of you. In fact, I believe since I am a foreigner, I did not even have to show daylight. I mean, do you REALLY want to get on the subway that much sooner? I got news for you… We are going to get to the next station pretty close to the same time. Why would you risk a punch in the mouth? Chinese people of all ages did this constantly. I had to remember to keep civil, and take it. But I did throw a lot of “dirty looks” about while I was there. (I did learn to “lean into” the gap that was trying to be breached and was able to stand my ground quite often. Just out of principle.)

• 5. Remembering to bring toilet paper with you when visiting the public restroom. No kidding… like many Asian countries, they do not supply TP in the stalls for the public. Sometime they might sell it outside, but it is up to you to remember to bring some with you. As a westerner, this is a hard concept to remember.

• 6. Squat toilets – Now, I sure that everyone in China can use these with no issues, but having grown up (and older) in the West, squatting is just not something I am accustomed to doing. My knees are not in condition for this. And believe me, you don’t want to fall backwards into one of these floor-level “toilets”. Many locations do have Western-style toilets now, but not all. I stayed ever vigilant for these niceties.

• 7. Chinese Bacon – I love bacon. What passes for bacon in China is more like strips of pork. It is thick, chewy and not at all crisp. Oh how I enjoyed crisp bacon on the day of my return.

• 8. Direction Liars – What the heck is wrong with saying “I don’t know?” We asked for directions (in the Chinese language) more than a few times while we were in China. And quite often, we were politely given very clear, but WRONG directions to where we were trying to go. Often in the complete opposite direction of that which we ultimately found our desired location. Why could no one say simply “I don’t know.”?

• 9. Museum Liars – I bought a nice collection of coins from the State-run Shanxxi province museum, in Xian. Some of the coins were ancient, and came with a guarantee of authenticity from the museum. Because of this, I had my suspicions about whether or not they could be exported. I asked if I would be allowed to leave the country with them, and I was repeatedly assured that it was not problem, because the 3 most-rare of the coins in the collection were reproductions only. Not so according to Chinese customs officials, who held me in a room for 2 hours after I innocently passed my coin-containing suitcase through the x-ray machine. “You cannot take ancient coins outside of China” I was told in no uncertain terms. They even showed me the rules translated to English. I won’t deprive China of preserving their antiquities, but the collection was accompanied with English descriptions alongside the coins. Since English is not commonly spoken by Chinese people, wouldn’t you assume that the coin collection was designed to be purchased by someone who speaks English, and may perhaps live outside of China?

• 10. Small “boutique” hotels and hostels – Hey, when you are traveling, a room or a hostel is just a place to sleep at night right? No need to spend a fortune if you are going to spend most of your time in the room sleeping. Just a comfortable bed, a toilet and a shower and off we go on the next morning’s adventure. It’s just that you should not have to actually have to crawl over the bed to get to the bathroom, because there is not enough floor-space to go around. I mean literally, you HAD to climb over the bed. And once in the bathroom, the shower had no shower pan. The entire bathroom acted as the pan, with a drain in middle. This meant a wet floor, with no place to put a bathmat. Remember you have to climb over the bed? Yup, wet bed.